Taking care of ourselves and our loved ones
Women often take better care of others than themselves. But survival depends on taking care of yourself too. We can learn how to take care of ourselves by caring for our bodies, nurturing our minds, and maintaining our emotional or spiritual health. Maintaining and valuing our own health is good for us and our families and children.

“I don’t find it easy to make time for myself - I tend to put my children and partner’s needs before my own. But I have realised to be able to care for them properly and to be able to continue doing the work I’m doing with ICW and the HIV positive women in my country, I have to take care of myself first. If I get sick I’m no use to anyone.”
Linda Reed, diagnosed 1988, Eire

Women often are treated as second class citizens and taught they are less worthy than men. Learning to value ourselves is part of developing self esteem and finding our strength as women.

“In Uganda there are so many women living with HIV/AIDS who cannot support themselves financially. They struggle to earn a living while having so many orphans to look after. This is so difficult for working class women. All these difficulties mean women may be forced to find a man to support them.”
Anna, diagnosed 1993, Uganda

Specific needs
We need to focus on the specific needs of different groups of positive women. We all have the virus but we have different needs.

“I’m a lesbian and I hope that our health and the different issues we face are taken into account. I still think there needs to be more known about woman to woman transmission.”
Hazel, HIV positive, USA

The necessities of life
We know that nutritious food can help maintain healthy bodies and provide vital energy. Where money or food are scarce, it may be hard to meet the basic nutritional necessities of life. However, you don’t need fancy foods to have a healthy diet.

“In the developing world the golden rule is “Did your great grandmother eat it? If she didn’t, you should probably avoid it.” It must be harder in the west where there have been generations of junk food, fat and sugar. But anywhere the rule is, “Eat whole, eat natural”.”
Lynde Francis, HIV positive nutritionist, Zimbabwe

“A lot of people don’t believe I am positive because I actually look healthier now than I used to. I eat vegetables and I also now use garlic and ground ginger. It’s important to cut down on drinking and smoking. It’s not easy but I have cut down and would like to stop altogether. I now try to exercise and do yoga.”
Dipuo, diagnosed 1992, Botswana

Rest is very important. It helps to combat stress. If it’s possible, try to take some time out for yourself during the day. It’s not easy to find time to rest if you have children and it is probably impossible if you are working. If you can manage it, try to have a short time during the day when everyone is quiet. Perhaps your neighbours, friends, or partner could look after your children occasionally.

“I go to bed very early every night. When my daughter comes home from school, we eat well. I’ve tried to take the stresses out of my life. I walk every day. It hasn’t been difficult. Stress is the biggest thing that will make you feel sick, and HIV really is a lot about stress, I think. You’ve got to be well to be able to fight things.”
Marlene Diaz and daughter Margaretha, both diagnosed positive 1993, USA

It is true that laughter is healing. Studies have proved it. So let yourself laugh. Look for the funny side of things. Watch children play and get pleasure from their laughter.

“I work so hard for other people and their problems never rest, so I have to be really strict with my rest time. I take the phone off the hook. I used to feel guilty until I got burn-out. Now I know it’s not just for my benefit. It’s for their benefit too.”
Lynde Francis, HIV positive, Zimbabwe

Exercise is beneficial and helps to reduce stress. Swimming, walking, dancing, cycling or yoga are all good forms of exercise. If you have never exercised before, start slowly by walking and stretching. In fact, walking and gentle stretching are excellent exercise.

“Dancing keeps your body and your mind happy.”
Ale, diagnosed 1998, Argentina

If you do hard physical work already, you are probably doing plenty of physical exercise. In that case, try to find a few minutes a day to quietly relax and stretch your tired muscles.

“When my body feels tired, instead of pushing myself hard, I stretch my body slowly – this helps my energy flow again.”
Ale, diagnosed 1998, Argentina

For many women, traditional, alternative and complementary approaches to health and healing are an important part of staying healthy. These include things you can learn to do for yourself like meditation and relaxation techniques. Other approaches include massage, aromatherapy, reflexology, acupuncture, and using herbs. Spirituality is another source of strength and healing for many positive women.

There are no guarantees of success from holistic treatments, traditional therapies, or from western medicine. We choose the treatments and approaches available and the ones we feel are best for us. We have to work with what we have and find the ways which work for us.

Some health professionals have very strong views about what treatments you should have. Remember that it’s your body and your life. It’s important to feel confident about any decisions you make. Ask questions and if possible talk to other positive women about their treatment experiences.

“I have more faith in holistic medicine/way of life than conventional drug therapies although I use both. It makes perfect sense to me to use a holistic approach both in living and medicine. We are more than just physical and mental bodies - we have emotional and spiritual needs. I truly believe that I would not be here today were it not for meditation and the complementary therapies.”
Linda Reed, diagnosed 1988, Eire

Sometimes ‘miracle cures’ are suggested to positive people. Sadly, there are people who want to make money out of AIDS by offering expensive and useless ‘cures’. At this moment no one can promise a cure. However, there are many valuable traditional, alternative and western medical treatments which can help maintain and regain health.

“As we are not welcome in some hospitals, we must go to the few that will accept us Bed space, however, is limited. Sometimes we turn to “black magic” treatments as a last resort and are cheated.”
Oom, HIV positive, Thailand

If you’re going to see a health practitioner, it is very important that s/he is very well informed about the treatment of this disease. In the first consultation or if you change doctors, take a friend with you for support and take a list of questions you want to ask.

• Ask how long the person has been practising. Are there any side-effects associated with the proposed treatment?
• Can the new treatment be started if you are already on other medications?
• Ask about the length of time you should expect to use the treatment?
• How much will it cost?

If a health practitioner refuses to answer your questions, think again about whether you want to start the treatment.